Woke up this morning, grasping for a way to be grounded. I wanted to feel different or feel something “better than” yesterday. Feeling like crap and wondering if anything would ever change. Questioning everything.
Have you ever woken up, wondering how is today different than yesterday, than last year, than five years ago? Yesterday was one of those days. My grasping – an interesting concepts that comes from Buddhism that explains what our mind does when it’s allowed to direct us – was super intense and oppressive. I was depressed and distraught. I had emotions coming up for me left and right. New and old. Hard and soft. I couldn’t get out of my head. I believe “stuck” was appropriate.
There is a belief in the world of spiritual growth that the more we work ourselves, the more that we will experience the release of old, buried stuff. It’s like stirring up the water in a pond and all of the matter that comes to the surface. Grasping is a major part of this pathway of growth. The mind wants to hold on to old patterns, ways of being, beliefs and fears. But you must move through the “matter” of the mind in order to clear away the debris. Stillness and clarity comes from sifting through the stuff of our lives. With dedication and intention, one can move through this process. Even when it seems like nothing is happening.
Part of my journey is bringing a deeper awareness to my experiences; the good, the bad and yes, the ugly. Feeling into what is alive in me (when grasping) is a critical part of my pathway and so to look forward to such awakenings and not fight or suppress what’s there. Grasping is apart of our unconscious way of being in the world. Catching the grasp is a sign of growth. Accepting what’s there when we stir ourselves, is a sign of awakening.