Have you ever believed something – really deeply believed – only to find that in reality, what you believed in simply wasn’t true or relevant. Or came to find that that belief no longer served you.
We are born into constructs (aka beliefs) through our family and community. As children, we are further told, taught, stuffed and preached more and more constructs (anything starting with the word good – as in “good boys” or “good girls”). We may rebel in our teens, but those constructs are well planted in our psyche, waiting for us to blossom into adulthood. By the time we are 50 or 60, we begin to crystallize into our beliefs, holding tight to them till our last breath. Along the way, we pass them along to our children, and their children, and their children’s children, etc… Never questioning or stopping to ask ourselves – why do I think this way or believe in ________?
And what about the impact those constructs have on the people around us? Often, our beliefs feed patterns that develop as we relate with people, especially those closest to us. Judgements, based on our constructs, start to define our relationships so that we can only see how others trigger us and cause us distress. We lose sight of the full spectrum of benefits derived from interactions with other human beings. We focus only on the trigger and not the whole. Sadly, we don’t question what it is in self that is the deep root cause of that trigger and the relationship suffers.
Personal reflection is hard as one must open to all that swims within. I believe a great deal of the conflicts in relationship are formed by constructs and fueled by our fear of accepting some truth within. Whether it be that the relationship just doesn’t work or that we must give up something, that we’ve believe in for so long, in order to open to the full expression of the relationship. Lletting go of the belief to discover something more fulfilling that exists outside the fear.
I feel it’s important to note that not all constructs are harmful or “bad” and that we shouldn’t have any. It’s more about looking at what we believe and how we see the world; questioning – does this fit me in the present moment? The answer can and often is “yes”. Then we move on.
I have my own constructs. I’ve been working for several years to breakdown my beliefs and old ways of seeing myself. My work has only begun. My purpose for this post is both selfish (a reminder to me not to given in to fear and collapse) and informative (to share what I’ve experienced). To open up the possibility that you – the reader – can stop and reflect on all the ways you struggle/grapple/react in relationship and in the world. An opportunity to have an “Aha!” moment this morning so that you too can begin to do the good work of the self.