Have you ever believed something – really deeply believed – only to find that in reality, what you believed in simply wasn’t true or relevant. Or came to find that that belief no longer served you.
We are born into constructs (aka beliefs) through our family, friends, and community. As children, we are filled with various constructs (anything starting with the word good – as in “good boys” or “good girls”). We rebel in our teens, but those constructs are well planted in our psyche, waiting for us to blossom into adulthood. By the time we are middle age, we begin to crystallize into our beliefs; holding tight to them till our last breath. Along the way, we pass them along to our children, and their children, and their children’s children, etc… Never questioning or stopping to ask ourselves – why do I think this way or why is it this way?
And what about the impact those constructs have on the people around us? Often our beliefs feed patterns that develop as we relate with other people; especially those closest to us. Judgments – based on our constructs – start to define our relationships so that we can only experience how others trigger us and cause us distress. We lose sight of the full spectrum of benefits derived from interactions with other human beings; we can only see the trigger but not the whole. Sadly, we don’t question the deep root cause of that trigger and the relationship suffers.
Personal reflection is hard as one must open to all that swims within. I believe a lot of our conflicts are formed by constructs and fueled by our fear of accepting some truth within. Whether it be that the relationship simply doesn’t work or that we must give up some construct in order to open to the full expression of the relationship. Letting go to discover something more fulfilling exists outside the fear.
I feel it’s important to note that not all constructs are harmful or “bad” or that we shouldn’t have any. It’s more about looking at what we believe and how we see the world. Questioning: does this fit me in the present moment? Accepting the answer then moving on.
My purpose for this post is both selfish (a reminder to me not to given in to fear and collapse) and informative (to share what I’ve experienced). I too have my own beliefs handed down over generations. I’ve been working for years to breakdown them down. But I’ve come to see how things are not always as they may seem. I’ve learned to stand back and to observe myself without judgment.
To open up the possibility that you can stop and reflect on all the ways you struggle/grapple/react in the world is where the hard work begins. But I believe with a little guidance and patience, we all can have begun to deconstruct the beliefs that so deeply lead us astray. We can experience life as it is and open to the potential for a new way of being in relationships and with ourselves.
Ten Graces, LLC 